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  • Rachel Loechelt

Don’t lose yourself loving someone else.

Updated: May 4, 2019

It’s something that has taken me a long time to learn and comprehend. I know it’s easier said than done, like most life lessons. In life, we have many relationships. Whether it be with a significant other, your family, or your friends, relationships are give and take. To have a successful and strong bond with someone takes a lot within you. If you consider yourself a strong partner, you already know you put in a lot of work. Hopefully, when re-evaluating your relationship with someone else, you are getting as much out of it as you put in to it. In a lot of cases, there tends to be one person working harder to uphold a partnership. A relationship should be equal. There may be times you need to be the stronger partner, but during the entirety of your relationship, it’s so important to be getting something out of it too.

I think self love is hard for a lot of people. Especially with my dear friends, I often find that my girlfriends are putting more effort into relationships than they are receiving. For so long, I felt as though this absolutely pertained to myself as well. I find it both sad and frustrating to see people working so hard just to maintain a relationship with another person. I also know many people who excuse this behavior by saying they don’t mind working hard to maintain their relationships because that is what you do for someone you love. Well, as admirable as that is to hear, I also find myself truly frustrated to witness wonderful people in my life putting in 90% of their love and energy into their relationships and only getting back 10% (If that).

At what point will we love ourselves as tirelessly as we do for others? Can you think of a relationship where both parties are doing their equal share of the work? You’ll probably find that there’s always that one person doing more work and receiving the short end of the stick. Let me ask you this, at the end of the day, who is always going to be there for you no matter what? The answer should be, “yourself.” If you are one of those people who give more in life than you receive, it’s time to really ask yourself what it is you want and need from your relationships and demand those things be reciprocated. If you do not receive what you need out of your relationship, then it’s time to remove yourself from that situation. The next step after that would be to spend as much time, energy, and love you have given to others for so long and give it to yourself.

If you do not think you deserve the same love you give others, you absolutely need to hear that you do. We often times give the love we wish to receive. Please, do not give yourself away for free. It’s time you demand the same support, energy, and unconditional love in return. It’s not a service to you to wear yourself down trying to maintain relationships that require you to do all the push and shove. It’s time to get angry. It’s time to get serious and put yourself in higher regards.

I, for one, used to feel second place in all my relationships. All I did was give, give, and give until I started to actually say out loud that I hated myself. How freaking sad is that? Never again will I be sucked into self hatred and loathing. Recognizing that you deserve more out of your relationship is the first step into beginning self love. Learning to meet your own needs and implementing self care is the second step. It’s okay to step away from relationships that are no longer serving you. Even if it’s just temporary, you 100% NEED to attend to yourself now. You are in an equal partnership. You are not a slave, a waiter, or a full time pleaser.

Regaining your individuality and self love will make all your future relationships stronger. Imagine being that person who doesn’t need someone else to love them in order to love themselves. You should absolutely never rely on someone else to validate you in order to feel happy, loved, or fulfilled. A relationship should be two people who love themselves coming together and complimenting each other’s lives… NOT trying to fix each other. You will ALWAYS be in a relationship with yourself. Until the day you leave this earth, you will always be in this relationship forever. Make sure that you take care of yourself. Become your own best friend. Put yourself first. You are important and you are valuable. It’s time to start treating yourself that way.

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