• Rachel Loechelt

Feels like I'm Throwing Myself off a Cliff. (Leaving a Relationship/Friendship/Job)

We know better than anyone else when there's a part of our life we need to close the door on. I'm talking about relationships, friendships, careers, or whatever you once devoted yourself to that is now no longer serving you.

After reading a book called, "Fucked. Being Sexually Exploitative and Self-Confident in a World That's Screwed." by Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson, they talk about relationships they felt compelled to leave because they gave all they could, and were still unfulfilled. Krystyna, a woman who gave 7 years of her life to a man she was once head over heels in love with, found herself in a relationship that was no longer serving her. As a devote listener and follower of their podcast, it actually broke MY heart to hear her announce the split. In the book, she gave a short and sweet sentiment about how God awfully terrified she was to leave Stephen. Krystyna says, "It felt like I was throwing myself off a cliff." When I read that, it struck a cord. I felt that.

Comfortably, co-dependency, finances, children, family ties, uncertainty, emotional manipulation, abuse, and the fear of change are many reasons why men and women stay in relationships that they should leave. This is nothing to be ashamed of. There is no reason why anyone should feel they are too weak to leave. We are vulnerable people with emotions and circumstances that can bring us to our knees. Accepting the reason why you feel "stuck" in your commitment is the first step to getting out.

Let us not forget, we aren't just talking about romantic relationships. This can be a relationship of many sorts such as friendships, family, or even your job. Change is scary to many people. Comfortably is, well, comfortable. To deny yourself a new chapter and a chance to experience something new and ultimately better for you is unfair.

Leaving a relationship may feel like you are throwing yourself off of a cliff. Who would want to do that? What if I told you, jumping and falling is the only scary part. Nobody tells us what's at the bottom of the fall. Remember every time before you were afraid to do something and it turned out to be okay in the end? In a sigh of a relief, you might have said to yourself, "Hey, that wasn't so bad after all, was it?" We are resilient creatures. If you could look into the future and see what was ahead, metaphorically jumping off that cliff wouldn't be so bad, now would it?

So, how do we proceed to the unenviable uncertainty to every major life changing decision? How do we make peace with our plummet to the unknown and seemingly terrifying abyss that is the future we can not predict? I have an answer for that. I think we all do. It's remembering our past. It's remembering how we were always okay in the end after we've made hard choices. Look back to every time you "threw yourself off that cliff" before. You survived. The sleepless nights, anxiety filled days, and the tears we once shed before did not kill us (even when we thought they would.) I mean, you are reading this now, aren't you? Congratulations on surviving.

In life, we must make many hard choices. We will always be thrown curve balls. It's faith that will get you through. It's remembering how normal it is to be afraid. It's understanding that this is a part of life that everyone goes through. It's always going to be scary at first, but you know how to fight. You must always carry on and handle it. Easier said than done, sure. You have to deal with your life. You have to fight these battles. You have to plummet even when you're afraid to jump. You have to put yourself first and disregard anyone else's feeling but your own. You must love yourself and continue on through the scariest of times. Everything has, and will, be okay.

You got this.

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