• Rachel Loechelt

For My Self Love Being So Embarrassingly Conditional.

There's seeking self help through therapy, and then there's Alanis Morrisette's beautifully therapeutic, inspiring, healing, and soul awakening music.

"Sorry 2 Myself" is one of my favorite self love songs. If you haven't heard it before, do yourself the favor. Or, I'll post the lyrics here.

"For hearing all my doubts so selectively and For continuing my numbing love endlessly For helping you and myself, not even considering For beating myself up and over functioning
To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one's been cruller than I've been to me
For letting you decide if I indeed was desirable For myself love being so embarrassingly conditional And for denying myself to somehow make us compatible And for trying to fit a rectangle into a ball
For blaming myself for your unhappiness And for my impatience when I was perfect, where I was Ignoring all the signs that I was not ready And expecting myself to be where you wanted me to be
Well, I wonder which crime is the biggest ? Forgetting you or forgetting myself Had I heeded the wisdom of the latter I would've naturally loved the former
For ignoring you, my highest voices For smiling when my strife was all too obvious For being so disassociated from my body And for not letting go when it would've been the kindest thing
To whom do I owe the biggest apology? No one's been crueler than I've been to me."

I have always put myself in second place. I have always given love so unconditionally and neglected myself the same love and respect. At the end of the day, I was a woman who made sure everyone else was well taken care of without even checking in with myself and making sure I had enough love left for me. Here's to forgiving myself. I am sorry to myself for bleeding myself dry of love in order to fulfill and protect the needs of others before my own. I have had embarrassingly conditional love for myself when I was the one who deserved it the most.

I have learned that throughout our entire lives, we can not count on anyone but our self to love us. Unconditional love is a beautiful sentiment, but not always the case. We should not seek the validation of others to be fulfilled in our own life. We can no longer wait for someone to love us, nor should we ever beg. When we feel that we have given everything we can to a relationship and it is still no longer serving us, we are overdo for a self apology. We give the love we wish to receive, but if someone is not giving us that same respect, walking away and taking care of our hearts is the most important and truly necessarily course of action to begin self love.

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