Other People Aren't Our Projects
We tend to hold on to an idea or hope that someone will transform into a person better suited for our life. We obviously see good qualities in these people if we’re given the ultimatum, but, the bad qualities in them are not ours to fix. They are not to be molded into someone we wish they were. No matter how hard it is to hear that the people we so desperately wish to keep close to us are not to be tampered with, you have to understand that this is a persons life we’re dealing with.
I whole heatedly believe that people can change. I used to hold on to that belief so strongly that it lead me to believe I was able to guide a lost soul to a brighter future, even if it meant hurting myself in the process. Now, I realize that change only happens when a person truly wants to. Even though you think you know what’s best for someone else, you can only lead a horse to the water but you can’t make them drink.
So, now you’re at a crossroad. Do I continue a relationship with this person or not? This decision can not be based upon the idea that they will one day be the person you want them to be. People can change, but they most likely won’t if they don’t see the errors in their ways. If someone claims that they will change but they do not, they may be lying about their improvements to keep you around. At this point, you have to realize they either are not ready, they truly don’t get it, or their destructive behaviors are justified based on their own personal beliefs.
The decision to continue a relationship with said person must be cut and dry at this point. No more believing, hoping, and longing for someone other than the person they are at their current state.
You have to make many hard choices in life, even if it means you have to pardon yourself from a long term friendship or relationship. When you continue to see time and time again that a person is not quite at a place in their life where they’re ready to change, we have to walk away. Often times, we live in a fantasy world where the person’s potential rather than their current state (and possibly their life long destiny) blinds us from the reality of who they really are. If they are working on personal development for no one other than themselves, then it’s your call as to if they are worth the time investment. If said person is truly toxic to your life, then good riddance.
Again, it’s not your responsibility to change someone into the person you think they should be. You know who you are, what you want, and what you deserve going forward in your life. When you are working on your own personal growth, leaving those behind who no longer serve you is a big part of that.